Review of Short Story "Threesome: The Love Triangle"

[YourStoryClub]

Short Story: “Threesome: The Love Triangle” by Ankit Raj

Dear Writer, Wish you a very Happy New year. Please find below our review comment based on five key elements of short stories:

Character: The narrator, The Girl Sneha, finds herself choosing between possessive lover with contrasting characters and her friend with compatible natures. Narrator has typically less scope to talk about her and the same perhaps noticeably affected a well-acceptably-popular-theme of today. Story misses needed characterization of the main role, Sneha. Typically if narrator plays main role, it would be appropriate way to use dialogues with other characters to portray the needed characters. Furthermore there is attempt to sufficiently characterize other two important characters – the lover and the friend. Direct characterization, nonetheless, makes the plot bit less interesting. We strongly recommend to use [more] dialogues in such case to make characters strong enough for the theme without affecting other elements.

Setting: At few places, there is very good staging such as use of ‘msg’ing (using abbreviations in messaging/chatting) and description to find phone number as highlighted below:

“The light is still switched on. The white light is hitting my eyes. It’s giving pain to my eyes but I don’t want to switch it off. I want to have some pain too. Near the CFL are few webs leading to the cramped corner of the wall. The switch board has a small cramp too and few things written over it. I notice its s number written there.”

However same vividness in the setting is not homogenous throughout the story. Add to it further many timeframes made the story difficult to understand. Try rewriting this story using only single day timeframe and you may feel the difference.

Although for an effective setting one may use few words from other language or use local slangs as is beautifully done in this story, explaining such words or sentences in the language of story should follow immediately as note to make the dialogues understandable by the reader word by word.

Plot: Starting is good and generating curiosity to read more. Direct characterization as mentioned earlier makes plot less interesting in the middle; however story again picks up by effective use of conflict. Narrator is chosen correctly for proper delineation of the plot.

Conflict: Dilemma shown creates good conflict. It is balanced and resolved effectively without overdoing. Setting is also beautifully used to intense the conflict and resolve it.

Theme: Theme is clear by the title itself. All other elements are tightly bonded with the theme throughout the story. Nothing goes out of the focus even slightly. It is very important, as it is offered in the story, to stick to one theme and decorate other elements around it.

Overall, story has a good plot to show dilemma faced by a girl. It is enjoyable and touches young readers. We recommend emphasizing on characterization to support such strong conflict as used in the story. To practice characterization, we shall also recommend you writing short stories on reminiscence. You may also refer these stories: “The Unfortunate Commentator” & “THE SUMMER DEW

Having said the above, we strongly believe that story is an art and every art is invaluable – there is nothing good or bad as art is beyond boundaries of these adjectives. Therefore the creator is the best person to decide whether the creation meets her expectation. We like your story in total and our comments are just objective comparison with the patterns we observed in most liked short stories.

We also recommend you to read 10 Tips for short story writing by our Chief Editor.

[Ankit Raj Bachchan]

First of all, wish you a very happy new year.

Secondly, tons of thanks for your review. I felt very graceful. It would surely help me a lot.

After reading the review multiple times, I really felt the character of Sneha was less explored. I will surely work on narrator’s character-building in my next stories. Actually, I am guy but the narrator was a girl, so it was quite difficult for me express her inherent feelings. I thank you for praising my other two characters.

Talking about the setting, you praised the beginning but asked me to maintain a vividness throughout. Sir, I didn’t understand that. I mean it would have been more helpful if you had given some example or something alike.

Regarding the plot, I truly agree that the characterisation was done in a hurry. actually, I was trying to make the story, so I edited some portions out. I will surely try to work more on that.

The conflict and setting has been praised, so thank you again.

But sir, I always write stories in multiple timeframes. my stories always carry some flashbacks and future planning. I understood everything in your review, but editing multiple timeframes is very hard. I mean I think that way only. I would really be grateful, if you extend your review regarding this.

And lastly, thank you again. The review was truly helpful.

[YourStoryClub]

Hi, good to know you found review to be helpful. Avoid multiple timeframes but if it is not possible use signpost words such as ‘3 days back’, ’16:28 28 Dec 2011 – Familymart Mall:’ etc. Refer examples given in tip#3 at https://yourstoryclub.com/how-to-write-short-stories-tips/
Characterization of Narrator is difficult – very difficult – until she is egotist. Use other suitable narrator to characterize main role or use dialogue to bring out main attributes of the character needed for the theme.

[Ankit Raj Bachchan]

Thank you sir. I will surely use signposts in my next stories, as I cannot restrict myself from stories with multiple timeframes.
Also, use of dialogues is a very good idea to portray narrator’s character. Your reply was truly helpful.

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