In love- Unsaid words or unsure state?

The cold breeze flew her hair as she was engrossed in penning down her feelings on the piece of paper.  She twisted the pen in between her long slim fingers of her left hand while her right hand delicately played with her flicks. She tucked them behind her ears and again continued to write.

Her lips curved into smile and her eyes glint with shine. “Arpita love her Vaibhu” she had quoted in the little heart, which she had drawn at the bottom.

Arpita felt joyful as she finished writing the love letter, her first one, in urge of expressing her love for him- Vaibhav. He was her classmate in school days and neighbour too. By passage of time she hasn’t realised, when and how he became such an important part of her life. She had grown up watching him grow with her and knew she would want to grow old along him.

She picked up the letter from the table and glanced it umpteenth time, unsure of her words were or not perfectly depicting her emotions.

Bringing the paper nearer, which seems to be more precious than a paper to her now, she hugged it tightly feeling relived.

Her fingers smoothly folded it and dropped it in the colourful envelope; she had brought yesterday on the way back to her home.

7’0 clock, the watch shown and she stood up to leave. She had to drop it on his desk in his room before he returns from his daily jogging session.

Her heart raced up as she skipped out her house and ran towards his. Her eyes sparkled with the thought of holding that letter and her forehead glittered with sweat of excitement.

The door was as usual open. She walked in without thinking much and lead to the staircase. Vaibhav family, who had been doing their breakfast at the dining table in living area, did notice her going upstairs. But certainly no one objected. She was a frequent visitor to their house. Everyone just smiled at her sweet presence every time she came.

Aprita had come all the way to his room many times like this before, but today she felt it different. As her eyes looked front at the door, she inhaled strongly opening it. She would be soon joining him, to live with him here in her future life, the thought made her blush.

Her first step inside seem to change everything, she presumed. She pondered over the fact, her followed up actions would give their relationship a new turn. She knew she wanted this change. She wasn’t ever so strong, but then he was her strength.

“Aprita” his voice called her name. She was dumbstruck as it echoed in her ears.

His voice never felt so good, her name never sound so beautiful and she never was so nervous. She turned to catch a sight of him, standing at the staircase. She had always been delighted to watch him, but today the thought of him being here worried her unusually.

There was a little distance gap between them, she noticed, yet she felt so affected by his warmth of presence.

“Vaibhav you early today?” she managed to speak as he filled the gap.

“Yeah, was kind of tired. Rather I should ask you early here today?” He said as he passed by her and entered in.

She breathes hard, motionlessly standing at the entrance.

“Anyway good you are here, I needed to talk to you about upcoming event” he stated. His hands freely moved, as he got rid out of his sweaty t-shirt.

It wasn’t anything new; he was quite comfortable with her around in his belongings. Indeed she was his childhood pal.

She felt Goosebumps on her skin quite surprisingly, as her cheek went red, admiring his naked strong muscles.

“Stop lusting at me and come over here” he demanded smirking at being noticed by her.

“Huh?” her eyes widened up.

“As if I don’t know you were practically checking me out, that too shamelessly in front of me. Quite bold you are getting these days, Aprita.” He laughed on his own words as he spoke them and pulled her near making her sit along with him.

She could feel her body stiffening at the sensation of his touch and their close proximity. Her eyes gazed him blankly, as he continued to speak about the event preparations.

“Its perfect right?” he questioned at last satisfied with that he has described everything.

On not getting back any response he glimpsed at her, only to find her look at him intensely.

“Arpita!” He exclaimed as he rolled his eyes and shaken her form.

“Yes, its great idea” she blurted out.

“Sure?” he tried to confirm and she simply nodded positively. They both shared a sweet smile and she felt soothing. At that point of time, his eyes fell on the envelope which was still in her hands.

“What’s that?” he enquired confusingly.

She looked down in the direction of his eyes and observed him referring about the letter. Out of sudden, reality struck her. She was supposed to drop this letter in his room, that’s what brought her here. She happened to forget about it in his presence.

“Err… “He snatched the envelope before she could complete her sentence. He instantly opened it without permission, ignoring her protests.

She sulked with the realisation, as she saw him going through its content.

Yes, she had written it for him. Yes, she wanted him to hold it. Yes, she wanted him to read it. But definitely not in her presence.

She gulped in uneasiness, trying to absorb his transforming expressions.

Vaibhav looked up startled as he finished, directly into her puzzled eyes. She felt it awkward to face him at the moment and he too realised that, a little late.

They both heard a knock on the door and he broke the trance as he went to respond at the door. It was the housekeeper; who had arrived to perform her routine duty of the cleaning the room.

He let her move in and walked out right away, without giving a slight glance to Aprita, whom he knew, was there for him.

She stood transfixed watching him go as the maid made her way in and started to broom the floor.

If time ever stops, hers had stopped now. She sensed a kind of emptiness in her heart.

“Ma’am please can you shift a little” the lady requested her softly, interrupting in her hustles of thoughts.

She faked a smile in respond as she left the room. Arpita rushed to backyard area, on the passage giving a hurried greeting to the family.

She wanted to be alone with her vulnerability, she wanted to cry her heart out, she wanted to weep for her love not being reciprocated, she wanted to break the silence that was hurting her, and she wanted to calm her rising up mixed emotions.

**

Sakshi muscles refluxed in pain as she settled in the seat and her tired eyes looked up in confusion.

The doctors had read the reports twice and after being disheartened from the results, had narrated her same. She didn’t know how to react and just smiled weakly.

She collected her reports along with the prescribed medicines and left for her home. As she drove, her tears made their way again to her soft cheeks. They were reluctant to stop. Vaibhav, her mind thought of him at her current state.

Vaibhav was supposed to accompany her to visit doctor but due to an important urgent meeting, she managed to get go alone. She needed him and was tediously waiting to hear him.

She wiped off the salted water from her cheeks, leaving a translucent stain mark behind. Her hands worked on steering wheel and eyes strained on the roads. The noise of the traffic around helped her not focus on the cries in her heart.

Her phone vibrated seeming to end her prolonged wait.  It was his call; her hand froze as her feet mechanically put on brake. She picked it up glaring at the screen. By then it had stopped ringing and she sighed.

She knew she had to confront it. Recollecting herself, she dialled his number and unexpectedly the call was attended instantly.

“Hey, you fine?” she heard him concerned.

She stayed mute.

“Sakshi?” he anxiously uttered.

“Yes.” She answered silently crying. Her heart engulfed with the pain, which felt so fresh again on hearing his voice.

“Reports?” he asked uncertain.

“I got them.” She spoke choking, as her throat felt a lump due to her upset emotions.

“Doctors said anything?” he asked a bit low.

“They said my body isn’t showing any improvement on the treatment being given.” She spoke robotically repeating the words said by the doctor.

“Hmmm…” he couldn’t utter anymore.

Both paused unknown of words to be said or asked.

“talk to you later” she over the conversation and pressed the end button, as her head rested back on her driving seat, allowing her tears to drop that she had been holding on. She couldn’t help but let them flow down.

**

Under no circumstances, He had felt so suffocated. He never felt so helpless.

“Aprita, I know I am the reason of you being unsure. If only I hadn’t been so unsure about of my own feelings…” he spoke to himself in the lonely room. His own words haunted him.

He always had a hint that she loved him, but he had always hated the fact of being loved. For he had lost belief in the 4 letter single word- Love.

Vaibhav ran his hands roughly all through his hairs. He felt frustrated at the current state.

His decision to admit his love to Sakshi had been delayed. But that set right, He knew sakshi wouldn’t have agreed upon, being unsure of her life and future with him, she would have denied for his all through support at that time. He simply couldn’t risk that. She had no one along, else him.  He never said a word to her and she left him without hearing his unsaid words.

Didn’t love always give pain?  It had always brought unsure feelings along. Either if spoken as in her case, or left unspoken as he had experienced in his past.

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