In life till death be with me

He saw me when i was busy running behind my bus, already 10 minutes late to college. He tried to call me but i couldn’t hear in rush. But he didn’t want to miss the scene. He came running so fast and caught hold of my bus. I smiled as i saw his face in between the peoples’ heads and hands near the foot board. It happened two and half years ago.

I meant ‘it’,our first meeting. It was a marriage reception, actually  my cousin’s marriage. My family reached the marriage function at 7 in the evening. the function was supposed to start at 7:30. Everybody was busy in making the arrangements for the guest and others. The reception ceremony started at 8. The flash lights and loud songs and the crowd really made me crazy, a bit. I joined my college only that year. So i was worried without my friends to chat with as my mom took my cell phone in her bag and wanted me to spend time with relatives. I am usually not much interested in relatives. The only person i feel enjoyable spending time with is  my cousin sister 2 years elder to me.

She came there at 8:15. I felt relieved after seeing her. At last i got one person to while away my time with. We both took a walk around the entire mandapam. After wandering through each and every corner of the building i finally found my favorite place ‘the dining hall’. It was already 10. So we both entered into it and started eating. I saw a group of guys standing at a notable distance from our table. They were the bridegroom’s friends. One  among them  saw me accidentally. I removed my eyes from him but again wanting to see him. He looked normal. 6 feet tall, typical brown skin  predetermined for Tamilnadu and that  black hair on his head (thick and  flying  so attractively in air). His smile was gentle.

After eating i went to wash my hands and while returning back i heard a soft male voice calling “excuse me?”.  I turned back. My eyes went totally out of focus as if  a heavy flashlight was piercing through it. my god it was him. I then realized something crazy is going to happen if  i didn’t return to my conscious.

I uttered ” ya tell me”.

“is this kerchief yours?” he asked showing me my kerchief.

‘yes it is mine. thank you.’ I said and turned fast towards my sister.

I didn’t want to make anything worse. It was actually the first time i had a feeling that something is telling me to know more about him. even in my school days i had crushes but i always expected the guys to talk to me first. It came and went just like that. but this feeling, god i had a very strong intention to talk to him one more time.

But unfortunately i didn’t see him from then. In the morning after the marriage was over i searched for him. But i couldn’t find him anywhere else. His face got registered in my mind as if i photographed him within me. While returning i just thought about my craziness and mocked at myself. I usually don’t believe in love at first sight. But unfortunately most often love at first sight happens for those who don’t believe it.

 

Two months later…

One day when my college was over i had a hard time standing for my bus that will  usually come 15 minutes late has not yet arrived for one hour due to some reason. Any way i decided to go by train. I hurried to the railway station by an auto.had no time to bargain. I went to the railway station and waited for the train. Being exhausted my eyes begin to close automatically then i heard the same voice, so soft, gentle and the one i most awaited for, even though i had no hopes of hearing it again.

“hey how are you? you remember me?”, he asked.

His photograph still stuck in my heart i acted so hesitantly to keep up the prestigious issue ” who…….hey……yaaa….you, how are you”, i controlled.

‘hmm i am fine. i thought you would have forgotten me’, he said.

‘sort of ‘ i said trying to hide  lies inside my eyes.

He said ” i am Iniyan”.

Wow! nice name isn’t it. It meant ‘ sweet guy’ in Tamil my mouth want to say. But i said ” i am lilly”.

“nice name”, he said.

‘he  is really generous than me’ i thought.

I then continued the conversation asking about his presence in the marriage. About his relationship with my cousin and his studies and work. Actually i didn’t ask all the question but as i started the points he flowed like a river. Hope he must have had interest in talking with me too. He worked in a private sector as engineer that is 2 stations from the station near my college. That day was  enough for the introduction. It was proper, all positive and no negative.

I went home  and saw my face. It looked actually bright than usual. I am not so fair but fairer than him. I am not so tall but that suits when i stand near him. I am slim and that matched with his broad shoulders. I compared each and every aspects of our personality that night. He is  two years elder to me. We looked like a great couple together. But i had a thought why am i so crazy for him even though he had done nothing to me, for me  and know nothing deep about him than my less spoken classmates. I thought is this the way most of the girls would dream when they like any guy?

From the  next day i decided to take the train instead of bus only while returning home  complaining mom about the punctuality of the government buses. Every evening i saw him. Each and every day  we used to talk about a lot of social issues. He was very much interested in  talking about social problems  and its impacts on people.he is broad minded. He used to share a lot of this past experiences eagerly. He shared all those negative parts of  him to me as well. At times it looked as if he had me so much closer than i thought i had him within me. Every thing happened as if it was written to happen that way. If i say anything wrong his head would never nod just for me. He was clear and made me clear in whatever we spoke about. I liked his genuineness and ‘he admired my naughtiness’ once he said to me.

Two years rolled just like that. But i didn’t have  guts  to tell him about the thought that aroused the moment i saw. I feared that would spoil our relationship. My friends know about him but not about my craze for him. If they come to know i would have been their pass time ever since then. In these two years we both met twice  in our family function. once for my cousin’s sister’s engagement  and on my cousin’s son’s first birthday during which my i asked my cousin to introduce iniyan to our family. He introduced iniyan as his friend when i joined them incidentally to let them know that we both also know each other well. however everyone’s eyes accepted that we were friends. i was so happy on that day but don’t want us to be just friends. i loved iniyan as my better half which i was longing to tell him for two long years.

 

Today……..

I saw him and smiled while he tried to advance towards me between the crowd inside the bus. His eyes looked brighter than ever before. While starting to college from home that day i already decided to tell him about my love for him. As i was waiting to talk to him about that, he told” i have a special thing to tell you”.

I was sure that it would be his proposal to me but  i asked him in eager “hey what special?”.

Before he could say our stop came and we walked to the railway station. We sat on the bench. ” hey tell me soon”, i could not  control my emotions that my mouth found it difficult to lock the words of love within me that came bursting to tell him that i had fallen in love with him since when i saw him. But i waited for him to say. He opened a file and showed me a paper. He told “read”. it had a formal look and that sentence as i read through it ” you are appointed as engineer ……..” followed by some lines and  finally

from

CEO, Stat-chips Electronics,

Singapore.

I stopped and looked at him. ” i know you will be very happy seeing this. I tried for this company very hard. I think you know about it. I have told you about this once”, he said and i nodded.

He continued ” i am really very happy. First i wanted to share this only with you. I couldn’t wait in the station, that’s why i came to your college bus stand. What ?you are not talking anything?” .

” no! actually i am very very happy. congrats! its a great news. when are you leaving?” i asked controlling my emotions.

” i have already made arrangements for my visa. So will be leaving by next week” he smiled.

I wanted to cry aloud ” i love you”. But i feared it would disturb him. what if he had not loved me like that.”how long will you be there” i asked in false excitation.

“for two years but i will be back after six months for vacation” he said.

” OK anyway take care of  your health. mail me whenever you get time. don’t forget me” i spoke slowly.

“why are you telling this now any way  we have still one week ahead right?” he asked.

I don’t think i can always control my emotions the next time when i see him or i may even cry for him telling him not to go. So i said ” no for next one week i will be more busy with my project work so i don’t think i can see you while going home at this time.  don’t worry i will text you. you have a great time”.

The train came and he looked at me to get up. But my legs were so weak  because of the mental depression. I couldn’t bear that he is going to leave me. I thought we both would go home as a beautiful pair that day. I always wanted him to have a better job but not so far. I thought at least i could have told him about my love. It was  my fault. I always told him to search for higher job status. But that is for our future. This may be so selfish but i  loved him like anything. In  sorrow and happiness, in life till death i longed for his love. Everything rushed through my mind as if i would faint. I told him that i am waiting for  my friend and that i will go with her.

He said “OK take care.. text me.. bye…”. He faded from my sight.

Even before i could take my hand-key to wipe, my eyes dwelled with tears. I couldn’t catch my breath in between the flow of my emotions. That was the day in my life i cried for about one full hour with no time to think about the people nearby.

The next one week i didn’t reply for his messages, actually i couldn’t and neither attended to his calls. On the day of his departure i went to horrific status. I couldn’t concentrate on anything that day. I longed for him too badly. His beautiful sparkling eyes, the warmth of his presence, his soft voice and his genuine words drove me above the earth. I didn’t go to the airport instead i hurried to the railway station from the college bunking the last hour. My eyes automatically began to flow the river. I wiped it all through the railway station and walked towards the bench that we usually hang out with. The only place we both would meet is that station. we have never gone out together as time would never favor us. And most of our communications were through the cell phone.

I looked at my cell phone. He would have left an hour earlier from now.Hoping that he would not attend the phone, i called him. I heard his cell phone beep just near me. I turned towards the sound.

“it …….t…it was… him my honey with his sparkling eyes smiling at me but his eyes filled with something….no it is tears …..” i stood up.

The words were all silent. It was only our eyes that spoke. I kneeled on the floor crying out seeing him. He came running towards me.

“why didn’t you go” i whispered.

” i am going but not without you” he said holding my face like a child.

“why”, my eyes questioned.

“You idiot still why are you so hesitant to tell me. You think i don’t know why you came here at this moment with tears in those eyes.”

I bowed my head down in shyness. He lifted my chin in his hand and said

” leave it. hey .. i want you in my happiness and sorrow, in my life till death….will you be there?” he asked  so wonderfully.

I curved my hands around his neck and cried aloud ” i love you…i love you…”.

Next month he went to  Singapore with his wife lilly Iniyan, oh ya that’s me. I never wanted to ask him when he felt it (love) on me  because i know he always loved me a lot more than i loved him….

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