Only Goodness

It was five in the morning and Ayesha’s cell phone buzzed. It flashed ‘Kabir calling’, and she answered it in no time.

‘Good morning sweetheart, you must be still in your dreams, but listen to me carefully. No matter where I am, what I do, my heart is and will always be yours. I know it’s not gonna be easy for you but this is my work and I have to live with it everyday. So don’t you worry darling, I‘ll soon be back. Take care, my love.’

These were the last words exchanged over the phone between Flight lieutenant Kabir Rathore and his fiancee Ayesha Roy.

Kabir and Ayesha were spending a lazy Sunday evening catching up on the latest movie release in a posh Ghaziabad multiplex and deciding upon the place to dine out that night when Kabir received a call from his workplace, the Indian Air Force station at Hindon. All Ayesha could hear from Kabir’s end was, ‘Right Sir, I will be reporting tomorrow early morning sharp at six, Sir.’

Kabir hung up the phone and looked smilingly at Ayesha. ‘Why don’t we go to our non-fussy roadside Kaka-da-Dhaba tonight? We can have our respective favourites there. Doesn’t it serve your favourite butter chicken and my favourite lassi? It’s been a long time since we have been there together, what say, Ayesha?’

Ayesha nodded a ‘yes’ but she immediately caught the sudden change in Kabir’s voice and body language. She was no new to it. After all she has known Kabir for the past fifteen years.

Kabir and Ayesha were classmates since the fourth grade. They immediately strike a chord when Ayesha joined Gems International school. She was undoubtedly the prettiest girl of the entire primary section of GIS. The boys wanted to fall in love with her and the girls wanted to be on her close friends’ group. Kabir was the class monitor and the tallest, fittest and smartest of all the guys Ayesha had ever known. They were best of friends until class ten when Kabir popped her the inevitable question on the school farewell night.

‘Ayesha, would like to be the interest of my love for the rest of our lives? If you trust me with all your heart, I promise you that I will never ruin your faith.’ Kabir had said on the farewell night.

A teary-eyed Ayesha had looked up at the sky, pressed her lower lips while saying a little prayer and had finally ran into Kabir’s arms. They were meant to be.

Since then, though Kabir and Ayesha had been doing their further studies from different colleges, they had always taken out time for each other, respected each other’s decisions and love blossomed between them like never before. Many had called theirs to be a fairy tale romance.

They reached Kaka-da-Dhaba soon, but there was a silence in the air. They weren’t speaking much. They just kept looking at each other from time to time. Though Ayesha noticed that, everytime she looked straight into Kabir’s eyes, he has been trying to avoid her gaze, all this after that phone call that came sometime back.

After clearing the dinner bill, Kabir started to drive towards the way where Ayesha lived. She played the ‘Hotel California’ track on the car stereo and lamented to Kabir that it’s been long since he heard her play the guitar.

‘I have picked up quite a few songs on the guitar baby, and I want you to hear them, may be tomorrow evening, what say Kabir?’ asked Ayesha.

The car scratched a halt in front of Ayesha’s bungalow. It was already past ten at night and the lanes were almost deserted. Kabir switched off the car ignition and held Ayesha’s hand into his own. He looked straight into her pear-shaped big, bright and beautiful eyes so much so that she felt a bit uncomfortable by his strong gaze.

‘Did I tell you that you are beautiful beyond words? And by that I also mean your inner beauty. You are a beautiful person Ayesha. You know about the flood conditions in Uttarakhand, don’t you? It’s worsening by each moment. The call that I received sometime back was from my Wing Commander at Hindon. I will have to fly early morning tomorrow with my team to rescue the people in Uttarakhand. They need us Ayesha.’ said Kabir with a concerned look.

‘I’ll soon be back and I promise that listening to all your guitar tunes will be the first thing I do after returning into your arms.’’

Ayesha closed her eyes, pressed her lower lip and said a silent prayer. ‘Sure Kabir, All the best.’ She lovingly smiled at him.

Their lips locked and the kiss they shared that night was probably the longest kiss they ever shared till date. Ayesha got down from the car and bent down to the driver’s seat to bid Kabir adieu. ‘Bye’, she said. He smiled a bye, changed the car into reverse gears and made his way out through the deserted lanes.

A few drops of tears smeared Ayesha’s perfectly lined kohled eyes. She had been holding them back for quite sometime now. But she wiped them as she made entry into her plush bungalow. The living room echoed of the English bulletin at ten-thirty pm as she saw her parents watching news over the huge seventy inch flat screen television. She took a seat and saw the middle-aged newsreader with her perfect hairbun reading out the headlines.

‘Massive destruction had started a few days back in the beautiful Himalayan State of Uttrakhand. Thousands were said to be missing in the state after unprecedented rains and cloudburst led to landslides and flash floods, killing hundreds of people and leaving sixty two thousand stranded. It was a calamity that has numbed the entire nation. Government had decided to deploy helicopters from the Hindon Air Force Station to rescue more than sixty thousand people who were still trapped at different inaccessible locations in the rain ravaged hill state.’

Ayesha somewhere felt proud in her inner-most heart that Kabir will be among-st the one who will be serving the human-kind, the country without any personal motive of his own, or of getting anything back in return. On his part, it’ll be a sheer act of kindness, a simple gesture of mankind. Not many have the courage and capability to do that, she thought. She changed her clothes for the night, put her cell phone on vibrate mode and soon vanished into her and Kabir’s dreams.

She felt uneasy as if a bee was buzzing around her ear for a long time now. It wasn’t ready to stop buzzing at all. Ayesha frantically woke up and realised that it wasn’t a bee, but it was her cell phone buzzing on vibrate mode and it flashed ‘Kabir calling’. They spoke for about a minute and Kabir was gone with a promise to come back soon. Ayesha checked the time. It was five in the morning and the sky outside was still dark with a few stars. She sat on her bed, staring out of her window looking blankly at the morning sky for more than fifteen minutes and soon dozed off to her dreams once more.

Ayesha woke up a few hours later and made herself a big mug of coffee. She always made the first coffee of the day herself perfectly blending the sugar, coffee and milk suiting her taste. Walking straightaway towards the living area, Ayesha picked up the English daily lying on the table and followed the headlines on Uttarakhand. She sighed and prayed for each soul’s well-being. Ayesha had just completed her internship as a correspondent with a leading English daily and was keen on taking up a job in the same field.

So the later part of her day was spent thinking about Kabir and browsing through different job and social networking sites. In the evening, picking up the television remote, she browsed through the news channels and sat for her dinner. The first strip of the chapati fell from her hand as she heard that same middle-aged newsreader say, ‘Just in, An MI-V5 17 helicopter of the Indian Air Force, while on a rescue mission crashed late today evening in Gaurikund, when its rotor blades hit the hill sides while returning with survivors of the flooding and landslides in Uttarakhand. Twenty people were on board and none survived. The bodies of the deceased have been found and identified by the officials.’

A stream of panic rushed through Ayesha’s soul as she hastily picked up her cell phone and called Kabir’s mother. It went on unanswered. She re dialed the number again and this time it was answered by Kabir’s father.

“Uncle did you hear the…..” she couldn’t finish her sentence when Kabir’s father broke down. The weeping sounds of Kabir’s mother came from background at the other end. She just heard Kabir’s father say only one line before she lost her conscious. From the other end, he cried out, ‘Kabir’s no more with us Ayesha. Our loving Kabir is no more.’

Kabir was forever gone in the fateful chopper crash in Uttarakhand. His remains were brought back home and the last rites were performed with full military honours. Ayesha and her family have been standing by Kabir’s family throughout but she has not spoken a word after the ill-fated news was broken to her. Though anyone who looked at her could see the tears that had accumulated in her eyes as like forever now.

Ayesha stopped living or in other words she changed into living dead. Days that turned into months passed but her heart was still heavy, her eyes were sore with tears that couldn’t be said were whether from the last day or the last week or from time immortal. Every breath was heavy on her heart and everytime she took a breath and released it, hurt a little more to her existence.

It was then when her family thought she needs a therapist, but she wasn’t ready to leave alone her room forget visiting a therapist. Every day and night she tried sleeping a little bit but images of meeting Kabir for the first time fifteen years way back in school till the last time when they had spent a beautiful day together kept haunting her. Her Kabir was gone and so were her dreams. Ayesha knew all this was slow-poisoning her to no good and Kabir was no more around to take care of her but he surely wouldn’t have wanted to see Ayeasha in the state that she is now. So dropping a huge sigh, Ayesha gathered all her strength and took a few steps towards the balcony. The fresh air after a very long time was doing good to her. She took a deep breath and let the air to seep into her soul.

She liked to spend her time in the balcony sometimes watching the clouds blankly and telling herself that Kabir must be up somewhere there watching over her and at other times just staring at his pictures all day long. One day, her thoughts were disrupted by the honking sound of a huge truck that stopped in front of the bunglow opposite to hers. It seemed like a packers and movers truck loaded with the entire household stuff had arrived.

Within a few minutes a white SUV had stopped behind the truck and a middle-aged couple who looked married stepped down from the car. Ayesha noticed that after getting down, the lady was trying to coax someone out of the car. But obviously she couldn’t see who it was. It was already past five minutes of the lady coaxing but whoever was inside wasn’t ready to come out. So now it was the gentleman’s turn for the rescue. He came near the car and showed a bar of chocolate and instantly jumped a little boy like a cat out of the car, took the bar from the man and ran inside the doors of the bunglow opposite to hers. Perhaps new family had shifted she gathered.

A few days later, while cleaning her messed up wardrobe, Ayesha’s eyes fell on the guitar lying on the corner of the wardrobe. She was instantly reminded of her last day spent with Kabir when she had told him that he should listen to the new tunes that she had picked on the guitar and he had insisted that after returning from his duty, listening to her tunes would be the first thing he would do. A fresh lot of tears make their way from her eyes once more. After crying her heart out and cursing God for whatever he had done, she picked up the guitar and cleared the dust that had accumulated over the months on it.

She went with it to the balcony and sat on the chair, closing her eyes she started to play her favourite tunes and the ones she had wanted Kabir to listen. After playing it for sometime she opened her eyes and sighed.  Her eyes suddenly went on someone who was watching her from a bit far. It was the same little kid from the other day who had shifted with his parents in the bunglow opposite to hers. He must be around eight or nine years of age and was watching Ayesha from his own balcony with a hint of naughtiness that was clearly visible in his big bright eyes.

As Ayesha looked at him, he smiled at her to which she smiled back. It was the cutest and purest of smiles Ayesha had ever seen and suddenly she even realised that this was the first time she has been smiling after Kabir’s demise. She didn’t know whether to feel good or bad about it but she was smiling and that was it. Remembering of what she had seen from the other day, she hurriedly walked inside her room and in a moment came out with a bar of chocolate. But by the time she came to the balcony, the kid was gone from his own balcony. She smiled at herself and sat on the chair once more and anyways unwrapped the bar and started eating.

Ayesha walked out of her first floor room and walked down into the living room. Her mother who was already sitting in the living area watching some television soap, felt panicky to see Ayesha downstairs after months.

‘Beta, are you alright or feeling sick. Should I call the doctor?’ Ayesha’s mother said as she hurriedly picked up the phone.

‘Maa, I am just fine, please relax now. Can I get some coffee?’

‘Sure beta, I will just get your coffee. You wait here,’ said her mother and almost ran into the kitchen. She couldn’t believe; her only daughter was finally coming back to normal life.

Ayesha sat on the couch and went through some magazines that were lying on the side table. She hadn’t been in touch with the world for a long time now. Her mother walked in with the coffee in her daughter’s favourite mug. She passed it on to Ayesha.

‘Thank you maa, the coffee smells and tastes great, exactly the way I make it. And what is this maa, you still watch this soap. Looks like the hero of the soap have been married for the fifth time in a row. For heaven’s sake, will you stop watching it now?’ said Ayesha teasingly. ‘Did you notice that a new family has shifted to the bunglow opposite to ours? Have you spoken to them yet? I am sure you have,’ she even winked this time.

‘Yes beta, soon after they shifted, I went to ask them that whether they needed anything as they must be taking time to unpack and re-arrange their stuff. Though I could just meet Mrs Sen as her husband and son were out to the market. She told me they are from Calcutta as well and we talked so much about our city. It’s good to get like-minded neighbours.’ Said her mom.

‘So you did not meet her son, he is so very sweet. Just today only while I was playing the guitar he was standing in his balcony listening to my tunes. His eyes were really bright and beautiful.  So expressive. I felt he was trying to tell me something.’ said an excited Ayesha.

Her mother thanked the little child for whom maybe Ayesha was finally getting back to them; she was talking to them and also playing the guitar.

So the next few days, whenever Ayesha played her guitar in the balcony, the little boy stood in his own balcony and listened to her. They sort of made a bond. Whenever she played the music on her guitar, she gesture fully asked him with her hands that whether he liked it or not. Seeing her asking, he also would reply it with nodding his head to a ‘yes’ or disapproving it with a ‘no’. Their fondness for each other grew each day when Ayesha finally decided to call the kid to her place one day. She wanted to talk to him, ask his name, pinch his sweet cheeks and give him a warm hug.

One evening Ayesha was waiting in her balcony for her little one to turn up in his. As soon as he came, she waved him in a way and indicated him to come to their house. He looked really excited and gestured back with his hand that yes he is coming down. Ayesha smiled and ran down to the main entrance and saw that the kid was already standing down the street. She smiled once more as she saw him coming up to her this time. He walked slowly towards her with his tiny feet. Ayesha bent down on her knees to have a close look at the boy. She looked into his eyes and to her it seemed it were the windows to his soul. They both smiled at each other. He didn’t say anything and kept looking down towards the ground. She made out that he was probably too shy a kid. Ayesha finally broke the silence.

‘So what’s your name and which school do you go to?’ she asked but there was no answer from him. He still kept looking down. Ayesha didn’t push him with further queries. She now showed the chocolate bar that she brought for him. This time he picked up his gaze that was hooked to the ground and his mouth opened a bit as a reflex on seeing the chocolate bar. He extended his hands to take the chocolate but Ayesha wouldn’t give it and she played on.

‘Ok, only when you say your name, you would get this chocolate.’  She said. Even after waiting for more than a minute, he didn’t say it. Finally Ayesha gave up and gave him the chocolate. He quickly grabbed it, smiled at her radiantly and ran into his bunglow at the opposite end. She stood up, felt happy and walked inside her home.

The next morning as Ayesha was taking the last sip of her mango juice at the breakfast table, the door bell rang. Her mother went up to open the door and Ayesha absent-minded tried to look at who it was. The face was familiar. She has seen the lady somewhere who walked into their house and her mother asked the lady to sit down in their living room sofa. Ayesha tried hard to think where she had seen her. Suddenly she realised that the lady is the mother of the cute little boy living in the bunglow opposite to theirs of whom she was very fond of. Ayesha had seen her only once, the day they had shifted to the bunglow a few days back. She walked to the living area and sat with her mom and Mrs Sen.

As Ayesha smiled at the lady, she said, ‘I am really sorry for what my son did yesterday. I got to know later last night that he came to your house and even took some chocolate. I am sure he didn’t thank you or talk to you. He is very sensitive. He doesn’t talk to anyone much. It’s really strange what made him come to your house because though he is nine years of age, he doesn’t mix-up much with people. He lives in his own little world.’

‘Why do you have to be sorry Mrs Sen, he is just a little kid of nine years, how on earth do we expect him to behave like the grown-ups saying a hello and a thank you.’ Quipped Ayesha’s mother.

This time Mrs Sen’s voice choked while she tried to talk. She fumbled with her words a couple of times and finally said, ‘actually my son, my only son, Viaan is an autistic child. He has communication problems and faces difficulty in using language. At times he screams his words and sometimes, he doesn’t speak at all, avoids eye contact while speaking with someone, and he seldom initiates conversation.’

With hint of tears in her eyes, this time she turned towards Ayesha, ‘Beta, I have often seen him responding to you while you played the guitar. He feels really happy when he listens you playing. Generally he doesn’t have any interest in anything for a long time.but with you and the guitar I have noticed, he is very sincere. Last few days he has come to the balcony at one particular time just to listen you play. I know he will open upto you and I am ready to pay you the fees, whatever you desire.’ A teary-eyed Mrs Sen said. ‘Beta, will you please teach my son to play the guitar. The doctor has said, if he has a knack in any one particular thing, he can go par excellence with it in life. Please beta, it’s my earnest request to you.’ And Mrs Sen broke down crying uncontrollably.

Ayesha was lost for words. She didn’t know what to say, where to begin. The boy, the cute little sunshine whose bright eyes and radiant face helped her forget all her tears of the past and fears of the future sorrows is actually suffering from autism himself and needed help. What an irony of the Almighty it is, She realised this was God’s way of testing her and probably her one chance to help someone with her care, her patience, her love and her one act of kindness without wanting anything back in return, just like the way Kabir has done sacrificing his own life.

Ayesha got up from where she was sitting and sat beside Viaan’s mother, comforting her, hugging her by her shoulder with her right hand. She understood the chaos, the frustration, the fatigue and the sarcasm that Mrs Sen had to go through everyday and her ability to absorb it all.

‘Mrs Sen, it will be my privilege to be by Viaans side and give him all the care, the love that he deserves and help him overcome all his odds so that he lives a life of happiness without any fear. And all this for him because he has changed my life someday in someway. Don’t worry about the fees because my fee is his smile, his togetherness.’ Said Ayesha.

That particular night Ayesha dreamt about Kabir once more, first time after he had passed away. There was a song in her dream this time,

‘We were both young when I first saw you

And the flashback starts,

I’m standing there,

On a balcony, summer air.

See the light, see the party, the ball gowns.

I see you make your way through the crowd

And say hello and little did I know,

That you were my Romeo..