Guilty

Maya has been running the pallu of her saree in between her fingers anxiously. She is frenzied and is constantly checking her wrist watch. She just noticed how dry her throat was and goes on to fetch a glass of cold water from the fridge. She gulps the ice cold water in one shot and slams the fridge door hard as she heard the doorbell ring. She ran to the door as she wiped the water dripping from her lips. ‘Hello Sanjay, come in’ she greeted nervously checking if anybody was around. ‘Thanks for stopping by and I am really sorry if I disrupted your work’ she hurried with her words as she let him in. Sanjay entered gingerly with a nervous smile.

‘Please have a seat’ Maya offered as she shut the door behind quickly. ‘Can I offer you some water or anything to drink?’ prompted Maya although formality was the last thing that was in her mind.

Sanjay shook his head ‘No thanks Maya, I actually have to head back to work so I just came by to check on you and because you wanted to talk to me about Anil, what’s the matter?’.

Maya’s expression was not soft anymore ‘are you saying you don’t know why I called you here?’.

Sanjay was slightly taken aback, he quickly looked at the floor slightly pink. ‘Well…’ he started. Maya continued cutting Sanjay across ‘What the hell is going on between my husband and that bitch?’ Maya’s patience was at its lowest ebb and she was ready to burst.

Sanjay knew that she was serious. ‘Look, Maya. There is nothing going on between the two of them. Just a little bit of healthy flirting, I’d say.’

‘Flirting? Healthy flirting? Really Sanjay . . .’ she rolled her eyes in disgust. ‘That’s what you men call it? There is nothing healthy about flirting, Sanjay, not for a married man.

‘Healthy flirting is a term introduced by perverted men who want to lend legitimacy to their extramarital dalliances. Flirting invariably has a sexual connotation to it.’ Sanjay could feel his sweat trickle down his ear lobe as if he were guilty. She got up from her seat and walked around the room gesticulating and muttering something to herself. Suddenly she stopped, turned back, looked at Sanjay and asked, ‘Did my husband sleep with her? You are his friend. Did he ever tell you anything about it?’ By now Sanjay was anticipating this question was bound to come to him. He was quick enough to shake his head in negative.

‘Look Maya, Pallavi is just a colleague and reports directly to Anil. They do end up spending good part of the office timings as he is trying to make it easier for them to coordinate and work better. They go for lunch and tea along with the rest of the team. I don’t understand why should you be even worried?’ Sanjay finally found his voice. When Maya did not respond he continued calmly ‘if you are worried about all the calls after office hours, then there shouldn’t be anything to be suspicious about because we have a major deliverable coming up and they are working on it that’s it!’. Maya couldn’t help but not believe any of his words and looked at him scornfully.

‘How petty do you think I am? You think I wouldn’t know the difference between work related stuff and personal conversations? Just because I quit my job now he thinks I wouldn’t know anything about work!’ Sanjay could see how badly Maya was shaking with anger and drops of tears were fervently rolling down her eyes. He wanted to comfort her but restrained himself. ‘I quit my job because Anil couldn’t take it and couldn’t feed his ego. And now that I have, he finds me boring and unattractive. May be working women attract him but, the condition is she shouldn’t be his wife. Girlfriend is okay but not wife. Is that why he is having an affair with her?’ she spat. ‘look Sanjay please don’t beat around the bush and don’t advocate for him just because he is your friend. We are in the verge of a separation & you know that. I need you to tell me the truth’. She pressed so hard on the last few words that Sanjay dint know what to say.

He asked her by looking straight into the eyes ‘what makes you so sure that he’s having an affair?’.

Maya was glad he asked, she breathed slowly. ‘Do you remember Neha?’

Sanjay shifted his seat uncomfortably and nodded warily. ‘But that was a thing of the past Maya, you have been married for four years now, how could that bother you? And how can you connect both situations?’ Sanjay added defensively.

Four years ago

Anil texted… ‘Hi Maya! Can we meet for a coffee? Say fiveish?!’ Maya texted back ‘yep, can’t wait to see you!!’.

At the coffee shop, ‘So what are you going to tell her?’ nudged Maya as they grabbed two cups of coffee. ‘I don’t know, I will have to tell her someday right, she will have to deal with it. I mean if not now then it will only get more difficult for her in getting over me’ Anil said casually as he grazed Maya’s hair.

‘Are you sure you are doing the right thing? I mean do you seriously want to break up with her?’. Anil nodded in affirmation.

‘So what is it about me that you score more than her?’ she teased.

‘Well! How could I even find anyone else more strikingly beautiful than you’ Anil exalted which made Maya so delighted and she giggled. ‘Besides, you are such a successful woman, you manage your career skillfully, and I don’t see that verve in Neha anymore. I am more than just sure that you are the one I am meant to be with.’ Anil added presumptuously. ‘So when do I approach your parents for them to give your hand to me?’ and Maya was taken by surprise, she didn’t know how to say yes so she simply hugged him.

Two Years later, Anil suddenly popped the suggestion at the dinner table ‘Maya, I think you need not work anymore. I mean I earn really well and we are financially very secure, you also keep complaining about your back pain. Don’t you think you can sit back and relax? I’ll manage the family and you take care of me, what do you think?’

Maya was dumbfounded but still just smiled and said after a while ‘Err… yeah, I’ll think about it’. Her head was running with thoughts all through the night. It was like both sides of her brain were fighting for a solution. After few days she gave in to Anil’s suggestion and gave up her job to look after the family. Months went on like this as she was getting bored and craved for Anil’s attention and would wait for him to come home.  On the other hand, Anil would come home late & really tired. They dint have the romance left that bound them in marriage anymore. She could sense something was seriously wrong.

He didn’t have any time for her. He would be always busy with his phone and she could hear a female speaking. It was definitely not work related. She grew suspicious. ‘Whom are you talking to?’ she asked.

‘Oh! Nothing just my colleague. We have a major release planned and we are working on that day in and day out that’s all.’ Anil replied. She was not convinced. Maya now wanted to find out more about this woman. She tried to open his phone but it was locked. She spent nights thinking about this woman.

Following morning ‘what’s her name?’ Maya asked unabashedly.

‘What? Oh god, are you still suspecting me of an affair or something?’ Anil countered.

‘As a matter of fact I do’ Maya said sharply.

They exchanged few heated arguments and Anil left in the fit of a rage only to come home in the wee hours so that they don’t have any confrontations again. Maya started to dwell in her own thoughts about why this was happening to her and what happened to her paradise. Anil wouldn’t talk it out and they would end up in dead silence.

Maya had a déjà vu, she felt like she has witnessed this before. There was the same Anil, same her but there was also Neha. And now she is in the place of Neha and the other woman had occupied her place. She was feeling guilty of being the reason behind the break up. And now that she feels stationed in Neha’s place she felt for her despair. She felt miserable. She had to find a way. She knew Sanjay for a long time and he was also from Anil’s work, she could ask him for all the inside news. ‘Hello Sanjay, this this Maya Anil’s wife. I had something very urgent to speak with you. Could you please drop by tomorrow afternoon at our place? And don’t tell Anil I called you.’

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Present day

Maya was crying inconsolably and finally Sanjay rushed to the kitchen to get her some water. There was a sudden knock on the door, Sanjay went on to open the door and it was Anil.

‘I knew she would call you’ said Anil. He rushed inside towards his wife and sat beside her coolly. ‘I was an idiot having you neglected all the while because of my busy schedule. I’m really sorry Maya. Yes, I have been talking to Pallavi something outside of work.  Her husband was deriding her for working in spite of them being not so financially sound. But Pallavi is very strong she was fighting the stigma of being prohibited from working by her family just because she is a woman and she has to take care of the family. I have been counselling her throughout to help her out of this situation”.

Maya opened her mouth to protest but Anil cut her across ‘I know what you are about to say. I have also done the same with you. I am sorry I didn’t even ask you even once before entrusting my decision upon you. I didn’t even ask your opinion. May be I could’ve put in a better way and left the decision in your discretion. I have been feeling awkward myself. I was so busy adjusting her life that I completely ignored you. It definitely is my mistake. ‘

‘Thanks Sanjay for being there for us’ Anil said. ‘I want you to take up your job back Maya, I have spoken to Steve, and they have a requirement for a resource with your experience. Will you please do this for me?’ Maya was speechless.

–END–